Pre-menstrual crank

It's true that I dont talk about work, not much anyway. And perhaps hiding all the bullcrap because even I get a little afraid of having any colleague (worst yet my boss) chance upon this hard truth. Might less humiliate me should I resign.

The undeniable truth which I've kept from you, is that..

I hate my job.

In the last one year 7 months I see how this job slowly became permanent, staying because I was supposed to, staying to get used to, never leaving because I never tried, never tried because I was lazy, lazy because I was staying because I was supposed to - A very very vicious cycle.

Despite the horrific underlying problems, it's as if it's all magically okay because I still get paid on time and have by the grace of God, closed many deals.

There are issues like, pay deduction because you fail to inform them exactly 14 days in advance of your annual leave, of surprising terminations, micro-management, absurd fines for not placing the cushion at it's right diamond-shape position.... (I could go on)

But that doesnt ruffle me. Not quite.

Not until what happened today.

The fantasy of a deranged lady at work. I was her, and I was throwing my calculator and pen at every opportunity, infuriated with the email (payslip) I received, or rather, the pay check I am about to receive tomorrow. I was the WHAT HAS BEFALLEN ME look.

My due commisson is not credited.

I turned to ask if my colleague had hers paid. She said NO.. and that hot under the collar look I recognise too(Surprise surprise).

We went to see our VP if anything could be done, speak speak speak (relax mel relax). She said she would follow up. We thanked her and left the room.

Not feeling any better, though.

What are the chances of them paying us this month? Slim to none is my guess. And how many times have I tried, exasperated at not being appreciated and cared for, and still not getting anything in return?
Many times.
Maybe all the time.

I feel sorry for the people working here.
Myself included.

I am alone, sitting with the laptop in my room.
I think everyone's asleep. I think maybe I should listen to some music, music to soothe me.

And then my cellphone rings.

You call.



...and there, life isnt so bad, I think.