I succumbed to the most dangerous element of inebriation.
This is not, before you wonder, done to numb my pain/ mixed feeling of hurt, fear and indignation/ (insert as appropriate), nor to countlessly expose wound and pick on wound.
It is not the sick mind, yet it is the sick, the real headache sick that had death sat alongside me.
The girls wanted to spend Friday together - I call it My day (for obvious reason).
I was hardly at work the entire week. If you saw me, only my body was there. If you didnt see me, I wouldnt reply your texts anyway.
I am the sun hiding behind my own cloud and the desire to.
I pity my friends and I often tell myself, clearly they should leave me - There's no why, but only because I do not even spend 5 minutes on the phone with them, I only reply "I'm fine" on msn, I do not sound pleasant, I sulk, ignore, stone, kill conversations, kill enthusiasm --
(Briefly) - In the pits of a nadir, I do not allow anyone to make me happy.
Assured it is my fault entirely.
What BFF? BGFF?
Mel, the sordid liar friend.
I didnt want to lament; If I could be happy, be the Mel they love, I would.
I wanted to be happy, but I couldnt.
So the best I could, and did, was to spend my Friday with them.
Splitting headache is not fun, but I had it since Thursday and it's still here (It's Sunday 3:01am yes, and it's here inside my head). I kindly asked for 2 aspirins while eating sushi on Friday promising myself and the rest I would not take alcohol in the next 4 hours.
Headed down to Zouk within the next hour. I forgot my promise. Got jiggly in a bit, we all forgot the promise. Pea suggested drinks with the mood music and in particular a Flaming Lamborghini.
I was insistent too. Come to think of it,.. I think I suggested it. Pea second it.
So. Anyhow, I finished it. A bout of flame finished it.
And then I remembered.
I ate medicine!
Comes the thought bubble of mom's nag, "You cant take medicine AND alcohol. Will die!"
Boy I was scared stiff .
But Lambo was inside already.
So was Aspirin.
No one made a big deal out of it tho.
Everyone was, "It's really okay. Dont worry!! (Smile smile smile)."
I pranced around, although inebriated, for the next 3 hours in Zouk. Whee. Super high.
Awesome friends, swell time.
Reached home, mom made me finish a bowl of chicken soup. Told her about alcohol and aspirin. You probably would have guessed her reaction. And if it is to be believed, I was born scared (even scared of accidentally-drinking-ants-in-a-cup-of-plain-water-scared), I could not sleep thereafter.
I prayed in tongues, read psalms 91, prayed prayed prayed, played worship songs,..
I needed to call someone. I needed someone to tell me IT IS OKAY. No one to call. 6:30am who to call.
So I called Whysoserious in the end. He was at Zouk just now, surely he just got home.
And he did. We spoke awhile, I thanked him and pressed my head into my pillow.
Afraid to sleep. Afraid I may never wake up again.
The near taste of quiet death. I was well paranoid but well frightened as hell.
I cant remember when I fell asleep.
11:30am. Pea called to go to the pool.
Eyes opened. Insync with first thought, "I'm alive!!"
Revelation / Lesson learnt: It is a blessing, to wake up alive. Everyday.
Now, welcome back to the joy:
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