But I know I cannot.

Truth be told my recent emotions have reduced my Holding Up Well threshold to almost zero.
Not that God did not come true - He did : ) He more than did.

It was me. Me that allowed my feelings to strike a cord with my brain and my body. More stress than benefit really.
It makes less and less sense feeling the way I do, yet it seems to cut so right because feeling really feels like the way forward. And to continue doing it.

What I'm saying is.. I dont know what I'm saying.

I want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him. To act on impulse today.
To be the rash person I was before, to feel stupid but to feel it was all worthwhile.
To be remembered for something I did to make full (fool) of myself.
To for once, be indignantly wrong. To be traditionally hurt.

But I know I cannot.


He gets on just fine without me.