No formulas; just His love

Whoops. I think I recently changed my sleeping time to 3am.

By feeling I would say today is just trash.
By rightful value I would say today is a very God day.

Of late I have been stretched, tested, challenged and poked at so much it has become severely NORMAL for me to believe my feelings are rubbish. Because nothing stands for feelings.
Nothing.

I was griefed when I became someone's dart board today. Favourite board to say the least.
When it happened the first time today, I was okay. When it happened the second time, I was half-okay. When it happened THE THIRD TIME, I WAS NOT OKAY!
Of cos.
I'll be absolutely flaky if I said I was please.

This very humourless incident took place just about everywhere I was today. I do not feel like rehearsing the mix-hurt; so let me just use, lack of a better word - INDIGNATION (once again).
Frankly this is the perfect word to use for (really). It is also synonyms with Angry, Resentful and Mad.

Haha. Well. Never denied I got angry.

The bloody tongue to snide back. I just held it.
Offended. Hurt. Outraged (on the inside).
Sorry but which part of normal-friends-talk-to-each-other-in-a-non-voice-raising manner do you not understand?

I know. I am a bugger also.

Lynn asked me this really good question:
"Mel, if he keeps doing this to you, do you think you'll one day just not love him anymore?"

I said,
"Ya."

But God is really cute. He asked me, "Why?"
I reflected back at my answer, wondering if it is an answer founded on the rojak-hurt or an answer I truely believed in.

Does this mean there is no more forgiveness the next time this happens?
If so, how do you calculate enough forgiveness? When will forgiveness end?

Crazy. It doesn't.

Forgiveness is everyday, everything!!! Omg.
How will a change in behaviour remove the need to forgive? There are so many more things for you to forgive. Wait and some people can give you somemore.
I do too (make people angry) but that's not the point.

If this love is based on behaviour, I would have left LONG AGO (come on agree with me). To question whether I will love him [anymore] based on his doings and behaviour is totally irrelevant now isn't it? You don't love someone on the account of pleasant things he does, right? Same you wouldn't stop loving someone for the wrong things he does.
[That said, please do not go out and marry a fool - we are on the topic of love and forgiveness, not blind and insanity] [Do not bother asking me if I will thus, avail myself to him now; the answer is NO! I have a brain]

And because amid it all, I have the best author: GOD - To WRITE MY LOVE STORY.
Beautiful love story.

Who am I to worry?