The best excuse is still an excuse not to love you

This shall be the last I ever speak of him.

We finally had "The Talk". It should be called "The Answer". We don't need to talk. I just receive my answer and I go home.
Love me? Whenever did he? He said it is not about love. It is about him.
Of course. When was it EVER about me?

He has never loved you Mel.

If he did, he would not want to lose you. He would be so afraid of losing you. He would not be afraid of making mistakes. He would not be afraid of working things out. IF he loves you. IF.

YOU ARE NOTHING TO HIM. You mean you did not realise?

When he came back in April, and you took that leap of faith to believe him again, did you think it was for real? If it was, why are you here?
When challenges arise, does he stay? No. He flees. But he does not even flee with you. You are alone.

He enjoys the good times and escapes in the bad. He tells you he is not emotionally safe. He is not ready. He is not the kind of man he should be.
A sobering story that happened in the stay of this relationship - where he selfishly refuse to spend his strength on you. In other words, he used you.
You were pursued, but not really; you were wanted, but only superficially.
And so when he said he's not a real man, it is true. A real man loves you because there is just no reason not to. A man like him, finds every reason not to love you.

He does not know what is love.

He does not know there is a beauty to rescue. Somehow, you were probably the bleeding knight, and him the beauty in the tower. It is funny.
You are not the reason he wants to fight. And that is the core of every woman's heart. The wound that leaves a devastating message - No, you're not beautiful and no one will really fight for you.

Thank him for leaving because your heart is core to who you are. This "wellspring of life" within you is the very essence of your existence, your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you - God created you AS A WOMAN. His image bearer. You are to be loved. Greatly loved.

TO BE ROMANCED
I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far - I will find you
Nathaniel to Cora in The Last of The Mohicans

The heart of every woman longs for romance, to be seen and desired, to be sought after and fought for.


And so we left, 3am in the morning. He gave me a, 'It's okay' when I said I wanted to walk up myself, which is pretty bad. 'It's okay' meant he still had to walk beside me, something I find very irked to do. I ended it firmly with taking the lift up myself because the last refuge of a man, the very last shred of being a gentleman - a man like him, is not even an offer I can find myself take.


I like what Mandy once wrote in her blog:

Letter to myself
You are better than this. Yes, you do love him. Too much in fact. You love him. But you don’t need him. Why would you need or even want a guy who leaves you over and over again because of his own insecurities? He knows it. He knows that you will always be there waiting for him no matter how long he’s going to take. Don’t let him take you for granted. You deserve so much more.

You are what every guy looks for in a girl. Understand that. You are amazing. You are willing to sacrifice everything for love. There will be so many other better guys who are going to come into your life and fall for you in an instant. So do it. Move on. Wait for the guy who will do the same for you. Wait for the one who will love you more than he can love himself. The one who will never let you wait because he’s too afraid to lose you. The one who is always there for you, whether you need him or not because he loves you so much. Wait for the guy who can look you straight in the eye to tell you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with nobody else but you.
Move on.
Stop waiting.
There is no point in waiting for somebody who doesn’t realise your value.
I love you. You will be fine.
Trust me. Life always goes on.

Captivating
What a comfort to also know that this universe we live in is relational at its core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us. Look at the message he sent us in Woman. Not only does God long for us, he longs to be loved by us. He wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority. How could we have missed this?
From cover to cover, beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why won't you choose Me?" It is amazing how humble and how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find Me," says the Lord, "when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). In other words, "Look for me, pursue me - I want you to pursue Me."

This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of God. He wants us to love him. To seek Him with all our hearts. A woman longs to be sought after too, with the whole heart of a pursuer. God endows Woman with qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God.

Tender and inviting, initmate and alluring, fiercely devoted. Yes, our God has a passionate, romantic heart. Just look at Eve. And this is ME : )

You can never find a better reason to move on, than a man who does not want to pursue you.

Now is the time.